The Need for Death Doulas
There is a group that we will all belong to one day, and as such we would all benefit from accommodating their desires more completely. This group of people are the dying, and we would be advised to better take heed of their experiences, as we will each of us be in the position of dying one day.
There is a gap between what people want for their death and what they ultimately experience. For example studies have shown that a majority of Americans prefer to die at home, but that only 30% succeed in doing so. This is due to the societal fear of death and the fact that medical protocols are designed to keep people alive at all costs, sometimes even the quality of life. Death doulas help reconcile this discrepancy by assisting in planning, logistics, errands, facilitating ceremony, domestic tasks and emotional support for both the dying and their families, before and after passing.
A Death Doula is non-judgmental and does not insert their own meaning of death, rather they help a dying person and their family arrive at their own conclusions. We do not suggest any “right way” to die, rather we present the options and facilitate the chosen process, seeing out their wishes and supporting the remaining family afterwards. Death doulas empower clients to be active in the decisions made around their death while they are still able to do so. It is our role to help them consider what a “good death” means for them, and then advocate for those wishes at the end.
Working with a death doula will vary depending on your circumstance, each care plan is customized to our client’s needs. What follows are some examples of ways that death doulas can provide support…
- Meet a healthy client at home to discuss advanced care directives, facilitating the conversation with family & documenting their choices.
- Visiting the elderly who lives alone to make sure that their basic needs are met, assisting with meals and chores, companionship & reporting back to their family.
- Holding vigil by the bedside of a dying client, holding sacred space & creating ceremony by preparing candles, music, aromatherapy, or reading aloud.
- Relieving the care-taker who is exhausted so they can have personal time or run errands, known as ‘respite care’.
- Conducting a ‘living wake’ for a hospice patient by assisting in planning, logistics, directing ceremony and documenting the event for the family.
- Meeting with a family who lost someone suddenly, explaining funeral options, connecting them to resources, helping them process grief & creating a care plan to support them in adjusting to life after loss.
- Holding the hand of a terminally ill client & discussing their life or afterlife, then creating a legacy project before or after death to memorialize their accomplishments.
Passing from this world to the next, can be as meaningful and sacred as the miracle of birth. Of course it is sad to say goodbye, but it doesn’t have to be scary. Here at The KDC we believe that death is not an ending but a doorway to pass through, and one of the most beautiful of life’s natural transformations.